I think she has an ear infection…poor baby She’s so fussy, and in the middle of the night, I’m too tired to do anything but nurse her because the crying just puts me on edge.  And so now my back and shoulders are sore from having her right up next to me all night.  Yuck. It’s like the newborn days all over again.

The house is on the messy side, right now but I’m totally ignoring it…seriously, I’m not cleaning it up right now. I’m too exhausted…so basically I’m just writing and venting:)

I want to sleep soo bad, but U is up and so that means no sleep, basically and to top it off, I was too shy to cancel an appointment today, so now I’m stuck doing that too.

Ugh…WHY, do I act like I have to be a subhuman sometimes? Like I can do it all?

Like last night, when my hubby walked in, I was in front of the computer nodding off because it was the first time I’d actually sat down that day, minus nursing and picking up the kids from school (and I did fall asleep waiting in the parking lot!)…As soon as I heard him walk in the room, I perked up, acting like I never fell asleep in the first place.

He was annoyed, I could tell. He got home late from work yesterday so we basically just had dinner, put the kids to bed, then he had to run out and by the time he came home, I was too tired to sit and talk or watch a show or anything.

In my head, I was annoyed at him for expecting me to be more awake (he never said so, I just read his mind:) and I was annoyed at myself for not saying “I’m HUMAN! I cannot be up at all hours of the night, and then take care of 4 kids, make dinner, clean up, dress up, AND then sit around and watch a pointless show, which I don’t even want to do anyway!”  B-o-r-i-n-g. /end rant

It totally reminded me of that hadith about how your body has a right over you, your spouse has a right over you, etc… Noticed how ‘your body has a right over you’ comes first????

So, why why why, don’t we do take care of ourselves first? Speaking to myself first, of course. Why do we leave ourselves to be at the very bottom of the list, until our bodies are so exhausted, so unhealthy that we are of no use to anyone?

Every time I see posts from these perfect-mommy bloggers, I go from feeling awe to feeling skeptical.  I always do a search for ‘routine’ or ‘schedule’ to find out WHEN do they get time to themselves? (and to get routine ideas:)

Are they really just supermoms, who never need a break, who never have a hair of our place, who are always smiling….the answer is NO.

Of course, on the internet, you see people at their best, they do their hair and makeup and let’s not forget they are blogging and making videos. Clearly, that’s not time they are spending with their families, directly. They ARE doing something for themselves.

And if you poke around on their blogs, you’ll find posts that talk about how they have their ‘me time’ in the morning, and they have ‘room time’ for the kids in the afternoon, and they have the evening to themself. Or some of them put their kids in daycare for a day or two to catch up on sleep or housework and do some self-care.

On my really good days, that’s exactly what I’ve done. I go out or go grocery shopping (I really like grocery shopping for some reason!) or I have someone over. For me, it really involves, socializing with someone else.  I’m more upbeat and can take on the rest of the day’s fights and arguments and backtalk with a positive attitude because I’m not completely spent and I found a place to speak all the words I have inside me

Right now I’m no use to myself or the family.  And Allah only gave me one body, how can I not take care of it, when it’s my greatest asset in caring for my family (and changing the world!). It needs fuel and nourishment to keep up to our great task of motherhood.

Around this time last year, I read a book called “The Surrendered Wife” (disgusting title, I know ) and the very best part, for me, was where it says to make a list of 10 things that you enjoy doing, and 10 things that make you feel good after they are done (ie. laundry, dishes, washing windows, etc) and to do at least 3 things from that list everyday..

At our old place, I had it posted up in the kitchen, so every time I walked by, I’d catch a glimpse of it, reminding me to slow down and do something for myself. With the move, I’d lost the list, but I think I know where it is. It’s definitely time that it goes back up.

Have you ever made up a list like that? It’s super important to write it out, instead of just relying on your own memory. Just writing your goals or ideas on paper, gives you a high chance of actually doing it. (I forget the percentage at the moment, just trust me:))

Anyway, so I decided today is “me day”…I will go to the mall, and treat myself to that hot pretzel and cheddar dipping sauce (yum!), and buy some scarves, and visit my friend, and do some reading (I’m reading Simplicity Parenting right now…so far, it’s excellent!). Oh and I’m sleeping early today, before midnight, hopefully by 11pm. At this point, that’s early for me :-S

What 3 things will you do for yourself today?

If you are interested in researching further, check out horary cycles as used in Chinese medicine. Very fascinating.

Share it with your friends. You never know who may be needing this right now.

She was back on the show recently, and as always she’s just so real.

Listen to her talk about her pain and what she says about people who commit suicide. She hit the nail on the head. It’s not about the dying, it’s about the pain. Very touching.

Watch it here:

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Iyanla-Vanzant-Reveals-Her-Darkest-Hours-Video

It’s like buying a house and the person who lived in it before me, was a packrat or a hoarder, who left behind all of their junk.  Before I move in, I have to get rid of all the garbage.  Pull up a dumpster and just start dumping and then start cleaning up after it.  Once that’s done, only then can I start filling up the house with the things that I want and love.

*heart*

He was referring to physical health but this can apply to both physical and emotional healing.  It doesn’t make any sense to do them out of order. Either you’ll be cleaning while it’s filled with garbage, or filling it before cleaning.

How simple is that?

1. Dump

2. Clean

3. Rebuild

<3

“The Work is like this.  You’re walking through the desert and it’s a beautiful day; and you look down and see a big fat rattlesnake, and you’re terrified of rattlesnakes.  You jump back, your heart is racing, your pulse is beating, you’re paralyzed with fear, sweat on your brow.  Then the sun goes behind a cloud and you look again, and it isn’t a snake after all — it’s a rope. 

Now, I invite you to stand over the rope for a thousand years and make yourself afraid of it again.  You can’t.  This is self-realization.  You have realized for yourself what is true.  And you can never be afraid of that rope again.  That’s the power of questioning your mind. ” – Excerpt from Who Would You Be Without Your Story? by Byron Katie

This book is over 300 pages, and while it’s a good read (more like ‘okay’), it may be confusing for those who haven’t looked into The Work before.  These 2 paragraphs stood out to me more than any others, because it summed up everything with regards to stressful thoughts, past memories, limiting beliefs and any other obstacles that we face in life. 

They are all ropes, not rattlesnakes, as we percieve them to be. 

Realizing that bit by bit will free of you of fear and emotional turmoil, but you have to be willing to question what you believe to be true.

This is an excerpt from “Who Would You Be Without Your Story” by Byron Katie. (Best book title EVER by the way!)

Although the book was hard to get through at times, there were a couple parts that stood out for me that I wanted to share.  When you first start what Bryon Katie calls “The Work”, before you start on yourself, she suggests doing an exercise called Judge Your Neighbour, and this is why…

“If you begin by pointing the finger of blame outward, then the focus isn’t on you.  You can just let loose and be uncensored.  We’re often quite sure about what other people need to do, how they should live, whom they should be with.  We have 20/20 vision about other people, but not about ourselves.

When you do The Work, you see who you are by seeing who you think other people are.  Eventually you come to see that everything outside you is a reflection of your own thinking.  You are the storyteller, the projector of all stories, and the world is the projected image of your thoughts.

Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy.  This hasn’t ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward.  What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector -the mind- rather than the projected.  It’s like when there’s a piece of lint on a projector’s lens.  We think there’s a flaw on the screen and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears to be on next.  But it’s futile to try to change the projected images.  Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself.  This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy…”

1. What am I grateful for today?

2. What am I happy about today?

3. What have I done well today?

So amazing!  Now there’s a scientific reason behind ‘Aha’ moments.

http://men.webmd.com/news/20040413/scientists-explain-aha-moments

I loooooooove ‘Aha’ moments and the amazing brain scramble that happens. It literally feels like a lightbulb goes on.

What are some of your recent ‘aha’ moments?

Of course, there’s the wonderful side, as well.  Highly perceptive, highly intuitive, and highly conscientious.

Sound like it could be you?

Take the quiz below to find out!

http://hsperson.com/pages/test.htm

If you are highly sensitive, and would like to explore that part of you more, the first half of Dr. Aron’s book The Highly Sensitive Person is excellent, (read: very validating).  If you’ve always wondered why you’re so different, just know that you may be wired this way.  This book is a good place to start, lots of research has been done on the subject.

What did you score? Comments?