I am sooo tired…M is killing me with her nightwaking and of course I’m up late, reading complete randomness on the internet, for no reason, other than I want to be alone. Bad idea, especially when the baby’s sick.
I think she has an ear infection…poor baby 
She’s so fussy, and in the middle of the night, I’m too tired to do anything but nurse her because the crying just puts me on edge. And so now my back and shoulders are sore from having her right up next to me all night. Yuck. It’s like the newborn days all over again.
The house is on the messy side, right now but I’m totally ignoring it…seriously, I’m not cleaning it up right now. I’m too exhausted…so basically I’m just writing and venting:)
I want to sleep soo bad, but U is up and so that means no sleep, basically and to top it off, I was too shy to cancel an appointment today, so now I’m stuck doing that too.
Ugh…WHY, do I act like I have to be a subhuman sometimes? Like I can do it all?
Like last night, when my hubby walked in, I was in front of the computer nodding off because it was the first time I’d actually sat down that day, minus nursing and picking up the kids from school (and I did fall asleep waiting in the parking lot!)…As soon as I heard him walk in the room, I perked up, acting like I never fell asleep in the first place.
He was annoyed, I could tell. He got home late from work yesterday so we basically just had dinner, put the kids to bed, then he had to run out and by the time he came home, I was too tired to sit and talk or watch a show or anything.
In my head, I was annoyed at him for expecting me to be more awake (he never said so, I just read his mind:) and I was annoyed at myself for not saying “I’m HUMAN! I cannot be up at all hours of the night, and then take care of 4 kids, make dinner, clean up, dress up, AND then sit around and watch a pointless show, which I don’t even want to do anyway!” B-o-r-i-n-g. /end rant
It totally reminded me of that hadith about how your body has a right over you, your spouse has a right over you, etc… Noticed how ‘your body has a right over you’ comes first????
So, why why why, don’t we do take care of ourselves first? Speaking to myself first, of course. Why do we leave ourselves to be at the very bottom of the list, until our bodies are so exhausted, so unhealthy that we are of no use to anyone?
Every time I see posts from these perfect-mommy bloggers, I go from feeling awe to feeling skeptical. I always do a search for ‘routine’ or ‘schedule’ to find out WHEN do they get time to themselves? (and to get routine ideas:)
Are they really just supermoms, who never need a break, who never have a hair of our place, who are always smiling….the answer is NO.
Of course, on the internet, you see people at their best, they do their hair and makeup and let’s not forget they are blogging and making videos. Clearly, that’s not time they are spending with their families, directly. They ARE doing something for themselves.
And if you poke around on their blogs, you’ll find posts that talk about how they have their ‘me time’ in the morning, and they have ‘room time’ for the kids in the afternoon, and they have the evening to themself. Or some of them put their kids in daycare for a day or two to catch up on sleep or housework and do some self-care.
On my really good days, that’s exactly what I’ve done. I go out or go grocery shopping (I really like grocery shopping for some reason!) or I have someone over. For me, it really involves, socializing with someone else. I’m more upbeat and can take on the rest of the day’s fights and arguments and backtalk with a positive attitude because I’m not completely spent and I found a place to speak all the words I have inside me 
Right now I’m no use to myself or the family. And Allah only gave me one body, how can I not take care of it, when it’s my greatest asset in caring for my family (and changing the world!). It needs fuel and nourishment to keep up to our great task of motherhood.
Around this time last year, I read a book called “The Surrendered Wife” (disgusting title, I know 
) and the very best part, for me, was where it says to make a list of 10 things that you enjoy doing, and 10 things that make you feel good after they are done (ie. laundry, dishes, washing windows, etc) and to do at least 3 things from that list everyday..
At our old place, I had it posted up in the kitchen, so every time I walked by, I’d catch a glimpse of it, reminding me to slow down and do something for myself. With the move, I’d lost the list, but I think I know where it is. It’s definitely time that it goes back up.
Have you ever made up a list like that? It’s super important to write it out, instead of just relying on your own memory. Just writing your goals or ideas on paper, gives you a high chance of actually doing it. (I forget the percentage at the moment, just trust me:))
Anyway, so I decided today is “me day”…I will go to the mall, and treat myself to that hot pretzel and cheddar dipping sauce (yum!), and buy some scarves, and visit my friend, and do some reading (I’m reading Simplicity Parenting right now…so far, it’s excellent!). Oh and I’m sleeping early today, before midnight, hopefully by 11pm. At this point, that’s early for me :-S
What 3 things will you do for yourself today?
Tags: organizing, self-care, simplicity parenting
